What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

Do you know what she said mum?

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

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What! how could you do that?

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

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Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

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Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

What do you mean son?

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

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Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

True - how I loved my mum!

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

How do you write a letter to your uncle who sent you money for your birthday outfit?

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”